Now that I’m done with school forever, I’ve been spending some time updating my yoga wish list on Amazon.  There are soooo many books I want to read.  When will I have time to read them all?  Here’s what I’ve got on my list right now (in no particular order):

• Yoga Beneath the Surface: An American Student and His Indian Teacher Discuss Yoga Philosophy and Practice- Srivatsa Ramaswami
• A Brief Introduction to Yoga Philosophy: Based on the Lectures of Srivatsa Ramaswami – David Hurwitz
• The Upanishads- Eknath Easwaran
• Yoga Nidra Meditation CD- Swami Jnaneshvara Bharati
• Yoga Wisdom & Practice- B.K.S. Iyengar
• Be As You Are: The Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi – Sri Ramana Maharashi
• The Mirror of Yoga: Awakening the Intelligence of Body and Mind – Richard Freeman
• Gurujii: A Portrait of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois Through the Eyes of His Students – Guy Donahaye (waiting for the paperback version)
• Krishnamacharya: His Life and Teachings- A.G. Mohan
• Yoga Nidra- Swami Satyananda Saraswati
• Yoga Chants – Richard Freeman
• Yoga Mala- Sri K. Pattabhi Jois
• The Key Muscles of Yoga: Scientific Keys, Volume 1 – Ray Long
• The Key Poses of Yoga: Scientific Keys, Volume 2 – Ray Long

Okay, so…a long list.  I may order one or two this week….whatever will meet Amazon’s free shipping requirement (because I’m cheap).  I should also spend some time reading or re-reading some of the books I already have.  I’ve re-discovered some of the great writing in Gregor Maehle’s first Ashtanga yoga book.  When I first purchased his book, I was mainly focused on the descriptions of postures…but he has some very good theory and commentary in other sections.  Taking my time to re-read his commentary on the Yoga Sutras. 

If anyone has any recommendations about the books listed above (or other book suggestions to add to my ‘wish list’), I’d be thrilled to hear them. 

On a side note…today I begin teaching again.  I haven’t taught a regular class in two years (while working on my latest masters degree).  I’m starting a beginner’s class on Thursday nights.  So…hopefully all goes well. 

   I stumbled upon the passage below in a recent Elephant Journal posting.  It’s by Kelly Gray, and the except is from the book Yoga In America: In the Words Of Some Of Its Most Ardent Teachers.  You can download the entire book for free online here.  And you can view Kelly’s chapter online here.

And then the question is “what IS yoga?”. Mostly I write what is not.

I don’t believe it to be the woman in robes preaching ahimsa and accountability and then not being accountable–someone who is more invested in her status than in truth.

I don’t believe it to be in the devotees who are so invested in their status (being close to the guru) that they ignore or close eyes to the hypocrisies and conflictual events that almost always arise, excusing it because we simply cannot understand the real motives of a guru or enlightened one. In my journey, my walk, on this earth we are all human and we are all accountable.

I don’t believe it to be in the yoga teacher who postures himself as the authority of your body (not much different than today’s western doctors) and tells 55 year old women what menopause is like.

I don’t believe it to be in the yoga superstars, the tantric sex gurus or even the austere ashrams (where I was very inappropriately hit on by two swamis and a bramachari and a Reiki master).

I don’t believe it’s in the ads, the new yoga tights, the namaste bumper stickers or the new approved herbal remedies that are 90 percent grape juice and less than 2 percent herbs.

I do believe it to be in the honest moments, the hard and the gritty and the beautiful. The moments where a man who loves you cares for you while you are sick and heartbroken because you followed a spiritual teacher that simply had a bad moment and can’t own it.

I believe it to be in the Mexican mother-in-law who knows absolutely nothing about yoga and is a bit overweight and struggles with her health, but has handmade tamales waiting for you every morning for breakfast simply because she found out you love tamales.

I believe it to be in this little back alley road, in an old gutted house with no electricity and wood floors that slope off and splinter, where people come every Wednesday night to offer a bit of a donation and chant and move and laugh together.

I believe it is the beauty and love and patience I see in my dog’s eyes every time I get so busy and wrapped up in teaching and work that we don’t have time for a walk.

I would much rather perfect my heart, to unravel and travel its depths, its unknowns and terrifying void and speak from that place, laugh from that place, love from that place, than spend the next 20 years perfecting my triangle or arguing about whether it should be five complete breaths in down dog before jumping back to forward bend or is it the exhale on the fifth breath where we jump.

    I’ve never been to India.  While I  think it would be a wonderful experience to go to Mysore for a few months, I sometimes doubt that I will ever make that trip.  Maybe one day I’ll go there on a vacation…for a few weeks.  But I can’t imagine myself taking several months off of work to travel around the world to practice yoga.  Taking off work would be technically possible (I could work remotely for a few hours a day…no problem).  But to be away from my husband, my home, and my family?  That thought doesn’t appeal to me…at least not at this phase of my life.

    Maybe one day I’ll go…or maybe not.  I’d like to go to see the country…but I don’t know that I’d necessarily go for my yoga practice.  I’ve always felt bad about my lack of desire to travel to India for yoga…especially when I hear other yogis talk about their trips.  They say, “You should go!  Just save up the money and do it!  The experience is worth it.”  Really?  I never heard anyone tell me why it’s so important to go to India.  They just say “go”…for the “experience.”

   Maybe part of the experience is being in an environment where you’re totally immersed in the practice and learning more about yoga.  No distractions from work or family.  If that’s the case, I can see how it would be beneficial.  But I like my work…and I love my family.  I live for the mundane activities that make up my life:  cleaning house, working in the garden, spending time with my husband, sunday lunch with my family, running mindlessly on my treadmill, and solitary yoga practice at home.  A yoga vacation would be fun…but not at the expense of these everyday activities…not at this point in my life.

    Who knows…maybe one day I’ll go.  Maybe….

    I’ve watched the short clip below a few times this morning.  In the video, Mark Whitwell talks about the idea of “one yoga”.  This concept seems so foreign to me as a student.  Whenever I tell someone that I practice yoga, their first question (after the inevitable “how long did it take you to learn how to touch your toes?”) is “What type of yoga do you practice?”  And without hesitation, I say “Ashtanga.”  It’s natural to me to divide up the different styles of yoga into neat and tidy categories.  For one, I love categories and organization.  That’s the way my mind works.  But, more importantly, that’s the way that yoga is normally presented.  There are all these different styles, and as a student you go from class-to-class and teacher-to-teacher until you find the method that works for you.  But is this really the best way to learn yoga? 

    When I found Ashtanga, I fell in love with the sequence of postures, with the breath, and with the idea of a mysore style practice.  But there are some days when the sequence just doesn’t work for me.  So I search for another style for that day.   Maybe I’ll do a yin practice.  Or maybe I’ll put in a Jivamukti video.  Or heck, there are some days when all I want to do is one of those crazy Tripsichore sequences.  Some days I practice sitting meditation.  And some days I read historic or spiritual texts.  Every time I stray from the Ashtanga path I feel a tiny twinge of guilt.  And then I always end up consoling myself with the fact that “it’s my practice, and I can do whatever I want.”

    I understand why so many students go from class-to-class or teacher-to-teacher looking for something that works for them.  Maybe they find it for a short period; but, then they may discover that the system they’ve found doesn’t address all of their physical, mental, or spiritual needs.  As much as I love the Ashtanga practice, I often feel that there’s something missing.  There are days when I’d rather read historic or spiritual texts than practice “yoga gymnastics” (Mark Whitwell’s phrase).  Unfortunately for me, and for many yoga students, there are no local yoga studios with teachers that can teach yoga specifically for each person.  Mark Whitwell says in the video below, “Yoga must be adapted to each individual, not the individual adapted to the yoga.” 

   My yoga path is still relatively new.  I’ve only been practicing for 3 1/2 years and I feel lucky to have stumbled upon Ashtanga so early in my yoga journey.  I enjoy the system.  And I enjoy the Ashtanga community.  But I’m still struggling to figure out how to adapt yoga to myself rather than adapting myself to a particular yoga system. 

    I know there are some yogis that frown upon having a lifestyle that incorporates both yoga and regular fitness workouts.  There’s a great article over on  Autumn Lotus Yoga about this topic today.  It makes me happy to see that there are other yogis out there that are also into cardio and/or strength training.  I don’t feel so alone now.  I’ll be the first to admit that having a regular fitness routine can wreck havoc on a yoga practice.  It seems counter-productive to spend an hour or two lengthening your muscles only to risk them shortening as a result of an intense workout.  Of course, proper stretching before and after your workouts can help prevent most of these problems.  Regardless, there are still days I come to the mat only to find that my hamstrings are screaming from the prior day’s workout.  I already know that my calves are going to be a little stiff tonight after an early morning spinning class.

    For me, the soreness isn’t much of an issue.  I love working out, and muscle soreness and fatigue is just part of the process.  But the physical effects of exercise on your yoga workout should be taken into consideration if you’re thinking of adding a fitness routine to your schedule.  Of course, there’s also the time element.  Yoga takes time, as does a regular workout.  I don’t know too many people with unlimited amounts of free time, so balancing yoga time with fitness time is always an issue.  I’m still working on achieving the perfect balance myself.  There are some days when I wake up and just want to practice yoga.  There are also days when I would rather be on the treadmill instead of the yoga mat.  And then there are days when I want to do both yoga and fitness.  Every day is different.

    I have made a point this year to make yoga a priority over fitness.  This means that on days when I have a craving for some cardio or strength training, that I’ll still have to make time for yoga in my schedule.  This may mean streamlining my workouts to make them more efficient timewise.  Or it may mean no workout at all, if I only have time for yoga.  Some days it means incorporating a little bit of core work into my yoga practice. 

   So, if you really love a good cardio or strength training workout, there’s no reason why you have to give all that up to practice yoga.  It’s all about balance.  Maybe if you’re creative, you can think of ways to incorporate your workouts into your yoga practice.  Check out the video below.  Who would’ve thought that nakrasana (crocodile pose) could be used for a core strengthener?

   I went with one of my ashtangi girlfriends to a new ‘hot yoga’ class in town.  It’s based on something called the “Barkan Method.”  I’m going to try really hard to be positive about this….because I DID go into the class with a open mind.  I was looking forward to this ‘hot yoga’ stuff.  I imagined a super-heated room full of sweaty yogis doing something challenging.  You know, like the heat would push you toward some kind of extreme where you’d have to challenge yourself to bring a calmness and balance to your mind.  I don’t know…something cheesy like that.  But I was excited about it. 

   The class was an hour long.  The girl that taught the class was really spunky and seemed really sweet.  She was really into the “Barkan Method”, which is great.  I have a lot of respect for anyone with the guts to open up their own studio.  So, I’m not going to comment any further about the details of her class or her teaching style.  All I can really say about the ‘Barkan Method’ is that it didn’t feel like yoga to me.  I’ve been to a lot of different yoga classes.  I love Iyengar.  Yin yoga is something I’m really into.  Heck, even Forrest Yoga has some great things to offer.  But this hot yoga stuff….I don’t know.  It’s hard to put my finger on it.  All I can really say is that it was missing something.  It felt….soul-less.  I couldn’t figure out the purpose of any of it.  There was no real intelligence to it.  And without that, you’re left with a bunch of random standing postures in a super-heated room.  Um, okay.  What is that?

    I don’t want to sound like a yoga snob; but, maybe I am.  My yoga practice is…part of what makes me who I am today.  And there’s more to it than a bunch of poses strung together.  There’s an intelligence in the sequence, just like there’s intelligence in the Iyengar sequences, or in yin sequences, or in a variety of other styles.  But this hot yoga….I don’t get it.

    Maybe I need some more time to think about it.